i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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