I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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