Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
