She said her name was "party"
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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