she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
