your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Randomize
