I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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