i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
