i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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