the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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