I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
You are the jesus of drinking
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
