Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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