Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Randomize
