Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
