Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
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