I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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