My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
