Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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