At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
