I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
you made out with another girl for some wings
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
