I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
