i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
You need a sexual gate keeper
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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