Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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