Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
