bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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