Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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