Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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