you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
