So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Come see our sink grown plant.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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