I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Randomize
