Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
