i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
