the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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