just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize
