Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
