I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Randomize
