someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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