you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
