look no pants
Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
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