It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
