maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Randomize
