haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Randomize
