Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
