its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
