I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
People in love make me want to vomit
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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