The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
