on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
