chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
