I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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