I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
