It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
