yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
