new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Randomize
