my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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