That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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