Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Randomize
