Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Randomize
