i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
