I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Randomize
