How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
