I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I won't apologize to a one balled man
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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