Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
