i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
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