I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
